Shots Fired
by BTL
Summary: What if Fry hadn't made it in time? What would have happened then? Set after 'Leela's Homeworld'.


Author's Note: This is not a spin-off of 'Parallel Lives'; I'm a

huge fan of Archonix's work, and this is simply a case of

'parallel evolution' – i.e., a total coincidence. :)

My thanks to pre-readers Red_Line, Archonix, SoylantOrange,

and anyone else that I've forgotten. Your help was

greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading! See you

next time!

Disclaimer Time!

_The characters here are not owned by me (I'm just borrowing them), so please don't sue me/hurt me/kick me/cover me in feathers. I'm only posting this to a small number of sites; anyone that wants to post it elsewhere should ask my permission and credit me accordingly. No hablo espaneol. (sic) Should _

_not be taken internally. Void where inhibited._

Shots Fired

It's quiet in here most of the time. I don't like

it and it shouldn't be, because all I can do is think.

Think think think think think, is all I do around here anymore,

and do I get thanked for it? The hell I do. All

the thinking I do, and they none of them notice how sorry

I am - they just sit and judge behind closed walls and

minds, they don't care about me at all. How sorry I am

doesn't enter into it, just judge judge judge judge-ity

judge all day every day, like I'm not even there, but I

am I have to be otherwise why would they think about

me?

Y'see?

But I still see their faces, even here - and

they keep staring - just staring.

They didn't fight back, either.

***

I can see it all on the inside of my head, the

inside of these walls - some TV show I don't like,

can't get rid of and these walls are so blank, y'know,

so it's the only show in town! Ain't that a hoot?

***

It starts with a chase. It's me and two folks,

Fast Folks and mysterious because I can't see their

faces but I know they're important because they know

me, know me by name and how many people in the sewer

know some girl from the surface? Some alien girl,

some one-eyed freakish girl with her hair and her boots

and abandonment issues, so why would they know me? But

they do know me 'cause they said my name, my real

name the way it's supposed to be pronounced and said

so that means they really really know me, because who

else than somebody that really knows me knows my first

name comes second? But I keep following them because

I have to, I have to, I have to know why they know

and who they are and also, why the hell are they

wearing hooded robes? Isn't it summer?

We chase and chase and chase and chase until

I think my legs are gonna fall off, and then we

get to that house again, only this time the

door's locked and that idiot Fry used himself

as a battering windowbreaker, but it's no

problem 'cause I'm limber and know kung-fu

so what do I do? Shimmy shammy up the pole streetlamp

nearby and onto the roof, that's what _I_ do, buster.

I get on the trail and not nobody's gonna shake me

off - not when I'm this...

Did I mention the staring? Because it's really

starting to put a damper on the proceedings. I hate

dampers, kinda like the way I hate Pampers but then I

haven't worn a diaper been a baby in years, nu-uh, not

me!

Not me, no no no. Not much more.

***

Across the roof and down down down the hole

like Santa-sicky-ikey-o. Pss-hycho. Y'know.

Santa; now there's a freakulon, somethn'-goin-on.

Then again, is someone really a jerk if that's the only

thing they can be, what they're programmed to be? Discuss

among yourselves, but I'd have to say survey says a big

heaping helping steaming load of 'yes' to that one.

Don't make me rush this, rush rash push pull

shove this. This is difficult enough with one eye, and

then there's the one eye to deal with, okay?

Okay. Big big 'o', teeny tiny weeny 'k'.

So up and over and down the chute like that stupid

droid, and face to face are we. Me, inquisitor-hunter and

mother of huntresses, they meek and yapping and prey

and cornered. So I'm confused and mad and I say some

words and they stay with the unmoving mouths and I

say some more words and they still won't move the jaws

on the faces and I see it the the on the wrist like mine

and now more more more words, still nothing else other

than these these these words, out of my mouth and I'm

mad *mad* MAD AND WHY WON'T THEY -

Oh. So they did.

So they did what they did what they did what

they did and the hammer's back, hammer's coming down,

pipe down lights down head down right now for the

big finish and lights and beeping and crashing and

'Noooo'-ing and clicking and and pulling and

screaming and yelling and pulling. And sobbing.

And I'm home. I'm home 'cause I see her face

see the eye and when the hood's gone, yeah the

one eye and aren't tentacles a neat idea instead

of arms doncha think? It's nice what they did with

the place.

And I'm finally home.

FIN

_Thank you, and goodnight._


End file.
